Wednesday 24 June 2009

Simple fraud convictions no longer scary enough for MPs


MPs could face up to a year in jail under plans for new criminal charges for Parliamentarians after it was determined simple theft and fraud did not scare them enough.

Harriet Harman outlined three new offences, all of which could loosely be termed as theft, or defrauding the tax payer.

The potential new criminal charges are central to Labour’s plans to ‘clean up’ parliament in the wake of the expenses scandal, but they appear to have overlooked the fact that these offences are already highly illegal.

“Stealing is already very much illegal, so what’s the point in making it a little bit more illegal for MPs than it is for the rest of us?” asked one Political commentator.

“And there’s plenty of precedent for defrauding the tax payer,”

“Benefit cheats regularly get prison terms for stealing just a few thousand pounds from us, but this clearly isn’t scary enough for them.”

Appropriate response

Criminal psychologist Peter Melwood said the steps being taken are very much appropriate, bearing in mind the intended targets of the new laws.

“You have to remember that these are individuals who spend their days lying to millions of people, on camera, without a hint of remorse.” he said.

“In fact, I would classify most of them as borderline sociopaths.”

“As such, a little bit of thievery and fraud is unlikely to even register with most of them.”

“Imagine, if you will, a violent bank robber.  Do you think he would think twice about a spot of shop-lifting?  Of course not.”

“Well, now imagine that you somehow voted for this bank robber to make all your important decisions, and now you’ve got to somehow stop him getting his slimy hands on all your money.”

“That’s essentially why we need these new laws.”

“At least until we bring back capital punishment, anyway.”

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