Monday 22 June 2009

We stole Elgin marbles fair and square, museum tells Greeks


The British Museum today told Greek President Karolos Papoulias that the Elgin marbles would not be returned to the Acropolis museum because Britain stole them fair and square 200 years ago.

The £110m Parthenon museum has opened its doors at the foot of the Acropolis, and just five years late, setting a new continental builders record for ‘almost’ meeting a deadline.

“We now have this beautiful glass structure and the only thing missing is the Elgin marbles, which the British stole from us 200 years ago.” said museum director Dimitris Pandermalis.

Bugger off

However the request has been met with less than enthusiastic response from the British Museum.

“Not a chance,” said British Museum trustee Bonnie Greer.

“We stole them fair and square, and now they’re being all childish about it.”

“It’s not like they can’t see them, we said they can come to the museum for free whenever they want to.”

“And anyway, isn’t there some sort of statute of limitations on the theft of foreign antiquities?”

“I know we originally said we were keeping them because the Greeks didn’t have anywhere to properly house them,”

“But they could have saved themselves £110m, because we have absolutely no intention of giving them back.”

Mission

The Greeks in turn are exploring all possible avenues to ensure the marbles’ return.

“I have seen Ocean’s 13 twice now,” continued Dimitris Pandermalis.

“I’m pretty sure with the right crew we could steal them right back.”

“You don’t happen to know where I can get hold of the drill they used on the Channel tunnel do you?”

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