Thursday 18 June 2009

The less you control the better, Bank of England tells Darling


Bank of England Governor Mervyn King yesterday told the Government that it should relinquish the right to do anything at all and allow the professionals to have a go.

The call came as Mr King gave a major speech in London which outlined several reasons why the recent banking collapse was caused by ineffectual regulation, and not just businesses run by utter twats, as earlier posited by the Chancellor.

“We need professionals to have a go, as clearly the elected politicians wouldn’t know a derivative if it came up and bought them a moat.” said King.

“If winning votes is all it takes to manage a complex economy rooted in financial services, perhaps we should let Susan Boyle have a go, eh?”

“I look at the Chancellor sometimes and I genuinely wonder if that red briefcase of his contains nothing more than a magic eight-ball.”

Downing Street

King’s criticism followed a speech by the Chancellor in which he laid blame for the recent crisis at the door of anyone and everyone who lives outside of Downing Street.

“You really are a bunch of despicable shits.” he said to the audience of banking professionals at Mansion House.

“You ruined any chance we had of another term in office, and anything we do now is barely going to make a dent before the next election.”

“I hope you’re fucking proud of yourselves.” he concluded, to a standing ovation.

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