Tuesday 16 June 2009

Scots should keep more Scottish taxes in Scotland, says Scottish review


The Commission on Scottish Devolution has recommended a ‘radical’ new approach whereby Scotland should keep more of the tax revenue paid by Scots living in Scotland.

In a surprising move, the body – which has been reviewing Scottish constitutional arrangements since April 2008 – has decided that Scotland should keep more of its own money in the form of half of all income tax paid by Scots.

The Calman Commission also said the Scottish Parliament should control more of the exciting stuff, like national speed limits, drink-driving laws and airgun legislation.

However, in a concession to Westminster,  the commission said that they could keep all of the boring and mundane activities such as powers on winding up companies.

“After 15 months of careful consideration we have decided that we’d like to keep more of our money please,” said commission Chairman, Professor Kenneth Calman.

“Most Scottish people wouldn’t piss on an Englishman if he was on fire, so letting them manage all of our money sticks in their craw somewhat.”

No chance

The reports findings have been met with little enthusiasm south of border.

“Oh, they want to keep more of the money do they?  Quelle Surprise,” said a Westminster spokesman.

“Well we all know that they’d only piss it up the wall, so what’s the point, eh?”

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