Monday 15 June 2009

Scientists discover thoroughly pointless new element


Scientists have discovered a “super-heavy” element 112 – called Ununbium – which will be added to the periodic table despite it serving no apparent purpose whatsoever.

The utterly pointless new element is created in a ridiculously expensive 120 metre long particle accelerator and lasts for just milliseconds before it decays entirely.

“Blink and you miss it.  In fact, blink and you could miss the creation and subsequent decay of a few thousand of them.” said project leader Professor Sigurd Hofmann.

Despite drawing congratulations from the scientific community, the public at large have been less than impressed by the new element.

“Can I build a new super car out of it?” asked one London man.

“What about a medallion?  Could I make a big heavy piece of ostentatious bling from it?”

“Well what exactly IS the point of an element that costs millions to make and disappears after a fraction of a second?”

Discovery

Despite public criticism, the team leading the project have been quick to highlight the value of the discovery.

“Sometimes science takes us in directions that might not immediately seem to have value, like Alexander Fleming’s mould that became penicillin.”

“And I think this discovery has highlighted the scientific value of driving things into each other really, really fast.”

“We’re hoping for funding to drive a motorbike into a camel, because we’re pretty sure it’ll create something amazing like the motorcamel.”

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