Friday 12 June 2009

Spain’s 3.6m unemployed weep with joy at £80m Ronaldo signing


Spain’s 3.6 million unemployed today took to the streets in celebration of Real Madrid’s capture of Cristiano Ronaldo for £80m of what is, ultimately, their money.

As auditions began in Manchester for a replacement capable of replacing Ronaldo’s exquisite theatrics and sublime stroppyness, the mood in Madrid was very different indeed.

“This is just what we needed!” said 39 year-old unemployed car-worker Juan Sanchez.

“Putting food on the table is a struggle at the moment, yes.”

“But what better way to lift the spirits of the nation than to see our Government subsidise a club that will spunk over £200m on Ronaldo in the next five years?”

Dark Place

“I’ve had suicidal thoughts recently, what with me having no job, no money, and watching a defence that includes Gabriel Heinze.”

“But this makes up for everything.  My stomach feels full again!”

“Well it doesn’t really, why would it?  But I did sort of forget about it for a couple of seconds when I heard the news.”

“I, and my fellow unemployed would happily forgo an existence above the poverty line just to see Ronaldo earn more than £500k a week by rolling around on the pitches of Real Madrid.”

“This truly is a day I will tell my grand-children about.”

“Assuming my own kids overcome their current malnutrition issues of course.”

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