Monday 8 June 2009

Celebrities urged to employ ‘spotters’ during risky masturbation


The world’s celebrities have been urged to spend the extra cash required to employ a ‘spotter’ when engaging in the auto-asphyxiation masturbatory technique.

With Kung-Fu star David Carradine the latest celebrity to choke himself to death whilst enjoying a cheeky danger-wank, safety campaigners have been quick to offer advice to self-pleasuring famous people.

“We realise this is something they feel they must do,” said the statement from the Association of Accident Prevention.

“But if you must take yourself to the point of strangulation before ejaculation, then please ensure you have a ‘spotter’ should something go wrong.”

“They don’t have to be involved, they could just read a book or something, so long as they have line of sight to you at all times.”

“Then they would be on hand to offer assistance if you were to pass out, or if your legs start flailing around like an amphetamine munching Michael Flatly.”

Deviant

Mr. Carradine’s death has again re-opened the debate on the sexual practises of the rich and famous.

“I could sort of understand Michael Hutchence trying it,” said 28 year old bus driver Mike Christie.

“Once you’ve had a go on Kylie Minogue, it’s going to be hard getting aroused for a simple hand shandy.”

“I’d love to give it a go, but I live in a bedsit and don’t own a wardrobe from which to suspend myself, and I’m pretty sure the Ikea superstore would frown upon any testing I did of that nature.”

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