Friday 29 May 2009

Concern as doctors confirm posh people can contract Swine flu, too


Panic has hit the upper and middle-classes today as Doctors confirmed a case of swine flu at Eton college and proved it can, in fact, be contracted by people beyond the working classes.

With many people watching the illness spread across the country through state funded schools and large gatherings of the generally unwashed, it was felt that money had the ability to fight off the disease.

However a confirmed case of Swine flu at Eton school has shattered the illusion of safety behind the silver spoon.

“I don’t understand it,” said one old Etonian.

“We do our level best not to mix with the plebs, so I don’t see how this could possibly have happened.”

“Perhaps a poor person sneezed on him whilst he was on a fagging errand?”

“It’s much safer all round if we stay in the dorms and play soggy biscuit all night.”

Theory

Theories as to how the virus has managed to mutate and jump entire social classes have so far been few and far between.

“Eton is only a mile or so from that hive of scum and villainy known as Slough. So I suppose it could have come from there?” offered one virologist.

Head Boy Francis Fortune-Flattery said, “This is proof that it’s much better all round if we don’t mix with the working classes.”

“We should stick to activities that are completely free of any form of virus, like violently buggering the first years.”

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