Thursday 28 May 2009 By Dave Kay

Bono finally makes poverty history


Renowned U2 front man and general preaching bore Bono has admitted that he has finally made poverty history.

The Irish bands lead singer admitted that if they so desired, he, The Edge, and the other two that stand at the back need never lift so much as a finger, ever again.

Speaking from his Ivory Tower in the Netherlands, Bono said “It was getting a bit tricky for a while.”

“But after the success of The Joshua Tree album, we realised that we only needed three chords to make a hit record.”

“This saved on overheads such as guitar strings and plectrums”.

Though Bono admits the seven or so albums after this were absolute garbage, he maintains that there are millions of idiots still willing to listen to his monotonous hypocritical preachings.

Lucky

Pausing to clean his sunglasses, Bono mused: “It got a bit hairy for a while when Ireland decided to tax royalties for artists.”

“But thanks to a loophole in the Dutch tax system, we can ensure that only the working man’s money will be directed to Africa to help them eat, while we can spend ours on flying our stupid hat round the globe, and buying stack heeled shoes”.

Bono later denied that he wears high heels to disguise the fact that he has a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

“What a load of feckin bollocks”, he said, while The Edge stood in the background looking a bit shifty, shuffling his feet like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t allowed to do so.

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