Wednesday 13 May 2009

I say we do that thing that Cameron said, only better, says Brown


Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said all MPs’ receipts over four years must be scrutinised by an independent group after hearing David Cameron say something almost identical earlier in the day.

Following days of damaging revelations about MPs’ expenses claims, he said “extreme” action was needed and this included copying Tory policy, verbatim.

The Prime Minister sprang into action almost immediately upon hearing polling numbers that suggested David Cameron’s punishment of his MPs was universally popular.

Torture

The two party leaders are now locked in a battle to see which party will take the self-flagellation the furthest in order to appease a furious and distrustful electorate.

“I am willing to physically torture the cabinet, to show how sorry we are.” continued Brown.

This prompted a retort from the Tories with David Cameron claiming he would happily, “skin alive every Tory back bencher and put them all in a big bag of salt which I would then shake about a bit.”

Brown responded, “Well I am willing to kill every member of parliament with my own bare hands, on a giant stage in Trafalgar Square, with free front-row tickets to anyone who promises to vote for me at the next election.”

“That’s nothing,” continued Cameron, “For your vote I will take the opposition into Eastern Europe to a grisly hotel like in that film Hostel.”

“Once there, each member of the electorate pledging to vote Conservative can apply the power tool of their choice to anyone in the shadow cabinet.”

“You can slice them up to your hearts content, no-one will hear them scream.  If you vote Tory.”

The electorate are said to be giving serious consideration to both party’s pledges.

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