Wednesday 13 May 2009

Everyone else in F1 slows down, or we are off, say Ferrari


Ferrari have threatened to quit Formula 1 at the end of the season unless all the other cars agree to slow down a bit.

Ferrari fear the evolution of a two-tier championship, which along with this seasons technical changes, will result in a Formula 1 Championship that somebody else could quite feasibly win.

“No F1 in 2010 unless they slow down,” said a statement. “Ferrari does not intend to register cars for the 2010 F1 world championship unless we are going to win it.  Really easily.”

“We’re not fussy, you can make the other cars use a lead chassis.  Or insist they all have women drivers, we don’t care.”

“But if everyone else is still this much better than us at the end of the season, then we are out.”

“This has nothing to do with our frankly pitiful performances this season, obviously.”

Enquiry

A technical enquiry by Ferrari race engineers after the recent Spanish Grand Prix determined that Ferrari driver Felipe Massa, did not, in fact, have Miss Daisy in the back of his car.

“It is not that we are slow,” said Ferrari Technical Director.

“It’s just that everyone else is going too fast for us.”

Money

A research and development spending cap is seen as integral to the long term viability of the sport, said F1 impresario Bernie Ecclestone.

“Fuck ’em” said Mr Ecclestone.

“No-one is bigger than the sport.  Except me.  Figuratively speaking – because I’m fucking tiny.”

“Anyway, they’ll come back.  They always come back to suck on old Bernie’s lucrative cock.”

Ferrari are expected to confirm their participation in the 2010 season the very second they look like winning a race.

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