Tuesday 12 May 2009

Ramsay censured over TV swearing despite not saying cunt


Gordon Ramsay’s Great British Nightmare has breached Ofcom regulations by using “the most offensive” language 115 times in the first 40 minutes, despite not dropping the C-bomb even once.

The Channel 4 programme received 51 complaints from people with nothing better to do, with the language described by some as “gratuitous and unreal”.

“This is fucking bollocks,” said Ramsay upon hearing the verdict.

“How the fuck can it be the “most offensive” language if I didn’t even refer to one of the snivelling little shits as a cuntbag? Eh?”

“If I knew I was going to get into trouble anyway, I would have really fucking gone for it.”

Attempted Apology

A spokesperson for Channel 4 attempted to apologise over the incident before Ramsay pushed in front of him to continue his tirade to the waiting cameras.

“What in the Jesus suffering fuck where they expecting?  It’s got ME in it for fuck’s sake.”

“If you want soft focus shots of homely food go and watch that talentless slag Nigella Lawson make cock-drizzle salad or something, because I’ll keep telling it like it is.”

“It’s not like I claimed to have fucked one of their grand-daughters or anything.  Get some fucking perspective.”

“If you don’t like it, then you can fuck the fuck off.”

Channel 4 were still struck dumb when asked for a comment.

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