Thursday 7 May 2009

Lumley has clearly never heard of Gordon Brown, says everyone


Joanna Lumley has stunned absolutely everyone by claiming she trusts Gordon Brown to do the “right thing” for the Gurkhas after meeting with the prime minister to discuss the issue.

The actress has long campaigned for all Gurkhas and their families to be given the right to settle in the UK and met with Prime Minister Brown to press their claims.

Ms Lumley said Mr Brown had taken the matter “into his own hands” and would come up with a “solution” to the issue of residency rights by the end of May.

There is speculation as to what a “solution” from “his own hands” could possibly mean, but the general consensus is it will be of as useful to the Gurkhas as Anne Frank’s drum kit.

“Maybe he’s going to fashion a tacky present of some sort?” said one campaigner.

“Though in reality it’s highly likely he’ll simply forget he ever said anything.”

So Naive

Many have questioned the naivety of Ms Lumley in accepting the word of a pathological liar.

“A woman that trusting must have got in all sorts of scrapes in her younger days,” said one Parliamentary lobbyist.

“I’ll bet she’s swallowed gallons of accidental man-fat over the years, and probably honestly believed dozens of men would respect her in the morning.”

“I heard she’s still waiting for the Royal Mail to deliver a cheque for her fee from the last series of Saphire and Steel.”

Ms Lumley was unavailable for comment as she is meeting with hundreds of businessmen who are said to be offering her incredibly generous investment opportunities on the African continent.

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