UK Spoof News and Satire

April 2009

French cruise liner surrenders to Somali pirates

A French cruise liner carrying over a thousand French holiday makers around the Caribbean has surrendered to Somali pirates on the other side of the world. The pirates, whose numbers are thought to be as high as six, took a rowing boat to Mogadishu harbour before emailing a surrender demand to the captain of the [...]

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It was a homophobic computer, honestly, say Amazon

On-line bookstore Amazon.com has claimed a recent glitch where books written by homosexuals were removed from it’s sales ranking system was the result of a rogue homophobic server. The glitch caused many previously popular titles which covered sexuality of all orientations to disappear from search results, and in some cases may have cost authors several [...]

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Teachers demand 10% pay rise, and a personal unicorn

One of the biggest teachers’ unions in England and Wales is demanding a pay rise of 10% plus a free unicorn for each of it’s members. Delegates at the annual National Union of Teachers conference backed the call despite concerns that the unicorn is an entirely fictitious animal, seen only in fairy tales and fantasy [...]

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PM should only apologise for his many many failings, say officials

Gordon Brown should not have had to say sorry for e-mails sent by his adviser that discussed smearing senior Tories, Health Secretary Alan Johnson has said. “Gordon Brown had nothing to do with this. You only apologise for the things you are responsible for,” he told the BBC. “He should limit his apologies to things [...]

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What did Jesus do on the Monday, ask holiday makers

Confused holiday makers are today seeking clarification from the world’s Christian churches as to what exactly Jesus did on the Monday to warrant the current bank holiday.

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Dismay as Police Chief stationery order arrives a day too late

Britain’s most senior counter-terrorism officer has resigned after a delayed stationery delivery caused an anti-terror operation to be brought forward. Assistant Commissioner Bob Quick inadvertently revealed secret papers to photographers when arriving for a Downing Street briefing on Wednesday after his flashy new faux-leather folder failed to arrive. Mr Quick said he “deeply regretted” the [...]

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It is still definitely OK to suck dicks, say Doctors

Whilst scouring the planet for new and exciting carcinogens, scientists have disappointingly discovered that oral sex can cause throat cancer. American researchers have found that the HPV virus – the cause of the majority of cervical cancers – can be transmitted via cunnilingus, and reportedly creates a higher risk of throat cancers than the traditional [...]

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All the hippies we asked were poor, claim Innocent

Coca-Cola has bought a £30m stake in Innocent, the British fruit drink and “smoothie” maker renowned for its ethical ethos, after Innocent claimed it could not find a suitably wealthy hippie investor. “We asked absolutely loads of them, honest,” said Richard Reid, co-founder of Innocent. “Sure, we got lots of offers of hair-braiding and aura [...]

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Ferguson cools expectations on newest pretty-boy prima donna

Sir Alex Ferguson has been explaining that Manchester United’s next whinging prima donna, Federico Macheda, still has a lot to learn despite scoring the winner in last Sunday’s win over Aston Villa. Macheda has become an instant hero at Old Trafford, and simultaneously despised in all other parts of the country, but Ferguson is keen [...]

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