Wednesday 22 April 2009

Please stop asking me if I’ve had a stroke, asks Gillian McKeith


Expert excrement forager Gillian McKeith today asked the public to please stop asking her if she has suffered a stroke.

The television presenter who no longer uses the title “Dr” because, well, she isn’t one, is said to be tired of people she passes on the street making incorrect diagnoses.

“It’s that television advert’s fault,” said Mrs McKeith’s publicist.

“The FAST campaign made people think her face had fallen due to a stroke.”

“They should make it clear that a stroke generally affects one side of the face only, they don’t tend to make you look like an ageing basset hound.”

“People would then ask her to move her arms around, and then try to check her speech.”

“Gillian would insist that’s this is what she sounds like all the time, but no-one would believe that nasally whine wasn’t caused by bleeding in her brain.”

An Actual Doctor

Health professionals have suggested this extra vigilance on the part of the public is a good thing.

“She would do well to let them help,” said one actual Doctor who went to medical school and everything.

“She might well have a stroke one day, and everybody will ignore her thinking that is her normal appearance.  Is that what she wants?”

Mrs McKeith was not available comment, though we didn’t try very hard to get one in all honesty.

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