Friday 17 April 2009

UK stunned by less-attractive woman who can sing


The UK has been left stunned by Susan Boyle and the revelation that some of the nation’s less attractive people are more than capable of holding a tune.

The news has shocked many who believed that the only way someone could use a series of muscles in the throat to produce a discernible tune, was to also have flawless skin and an arse that defies gravity.

Internet evidence of this revelation, a YouTube clip of Susan Boyle on ITV ratings hit, ‘Britain’s Got Retards’ has now had over 5 million hits.

Surprise

These millions of views have come mainly from people who refused to believe that vocal ability is no longer directly related to attractiveness in a bikini.

“It’s clearly dubbed,” said Sugar Babes fan Wendy James, 19.

“She didn’t even dance, so she’s obviously not a real singer.”

“If looks didn’t affect your ability to sing, then why aren’t there any munters in Girls Aloud, eh?”

Not all people have been surprised by Ms Boyle’s performance, however.

“My Aunt Maude had the voice of an angel,” said Gerry Bright, 42.

“And she was a right dog.”

Simon Cowell

The music industry’s Mr High-Belt, Simon Cowell, is said to be delighted by the controversy.

“We’ve got X Factor for the beautiful people,” he said.

“And now we have Britain’s Got Talent for the hideous folk that the nation can be perpetually surprised by.”

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