Thursday 16 April 2009

Daily Mail urged to clarify who it wants dead, Irish or British


The Daily Mail was today urged to clarify its stance on the HPV vaccine after simultaneously recommending it in Ireland, and calling for it’s ban in Britain.

The contradictory editorial stance has led to widespread speculation as to which nation’s citizens the newspaper would prefer to see dead.

There has long been strong evidence that The Daily Mail wished a slow and painful death on anyone of a different colour or ethnic background to it’s editorial staff.

However this is the first time their hunger for blood has driven them to actively pursue a policy of higher death rates among the white, northern European, English-speaking population.

Or, at least some of them.

Clarification

“Both editorial policies can’t both be right,” said one concerned Daily Mail reader.

“Obviously they want the women of one country to suffer higher rates of cervical cancer than the other, it’s just not entirely clear which is which.”

“And I for one would like them to clarify their position.”

“I won’t be offended whichever one they choose, as I’m French Canadian so it doesn’t affect me either way.”

Indecision

Women waiting for the vaccine have been struck with indecision over the controversy.

“I’m an Irish woman living in London,” said one London teacher.

“So even if they clarify the position tomorrow, I’m not sure if I’ll know whether they hate me, or love me.”

When asked for comment, the Daily Mail replied, “Can’t we all just join together in hating the French?”

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