Tuesday 14 April 2009

Teachers demand 10% pay rise, and a personal unicorn


One of the biggest teachers’ unions in England and Wales is demanding a pay rise of 10% plus a free unicorn for each of it’s members.

Delegates at the annual National Union of Teachers conference backed the call despite concerns that the unicorn is an entirely fictitious animal, seen only in fairy tales and fantasy movies.

“If our members want unicorns, then we will get them unicorns,” said one Union representative.

“You might say we don’t live in the real world by demanding a unicorn, but we are willing to go on strike to secure our own magical horned beast.”

Salary surprise

The calls for the 10% rise and personal unicorn follow complaints from many thousands of new teachers who are utterly stunned to discover the pay deals for teachers around the country.

“I trained for four years, and barely clear £30,000.” said one teacher from Northampton.

“Where is my Mercedes?  My yacht?  My multiple Caribbean homes?”

“This is not what I expected when I considered a career in teaching.”

“I just assumed all teachers got paid the same as Investment Bankers.  Who wouldn’t?”

“But now it’s time to show me the muthafucking money. And a unicorn.”

It is believed senior government negotiators are willing to settle on 2.3% and free weekend access to local donkey sanctuaries.

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