Thursday 9 April 2009

Dismay as Police Chief stationery order arrives a day too late


Britain’s most senior counter-terrorism officer has resigned after a delayed stationery delivery caused an anti-terror operation to be brought forward.

Assistant Commissioner Bob Quick inadvertently revealed secret papers to photographers when arriving for a Downing Street briefing on Wednesday after his flashy new faux-leather folder failed to arrive.

Mr Quick said he “deeply regretted” the delay to his delivery, and his decision to go ahead with the meeting without his new faux leather de-luxe conference-style document holder.

“It’s a really nice one too.” said Mr Quick in an official statement.

“It has secure zipped pocket, an additional large pocket, integrated calculator, clear business card pocket, credit card slots and a pen loop.”

“I would have seriously looked the part.  Like an English Jack Bauer.  But a bit more organised.”

Amateur

Mr Quick’s decision to attend the meeting without a document holder has been criticised by professional stationers across the country.

“Let’s think about it shall we?” said Simon Troyer, Chairman of the Federation Against Loose Documents.

“Arriving at a meeting with a handful of loose papers absolutely reeks of amateur hour.”

“And we expect these people to win the war against terrorists?”

“Yet you never see a terrorist with loose papers, do you?

“I bet you all of Osama Bin Laden’s files are stored correctly.  He probably uses an alpha-numeric filing system too.”

“In my opinion resignation is too good for him.”

Mr Quick is expected to unveil the new document holder during a meeting at the Brixton Job Centre next Tuesday morning.

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