Wednesday 8 April 2009

Ferguson cools expectations on newest pretty-boy prima donna


Sir Alex Ferguson has been explaining that Manchester United’s next whinging prima donna, Federico Macheda, still has a lot to learn despite scoring the winner in last Sunday’s win over Aston Villa.

Macheda has become an instant hero at Old Trafford, and simultaneously despised in all other parts of the country, but Ferguson is keen to play down expectations on his young shoulders.

“He’s been showing great form in training, he’s managed to annoy pretty much everyone in the squad,” said Sir Alex.

“His performances for the reserves have also been outstanding, such that he’s universally despised by everyone he’s played against.”

Development

Despite this early promise, Sir Alex has been quick to point out that his young charge still has a lot to learn.

“He still has an awful lot to learn.”

“He could certainly spend a little longer preening himself, though Cristiano Ronaldo has taken him under his wing in that respect.”

“Also, he needs to learn that when things don’t go our way he has to get to the referee much, much quicker.”

“The pace of the game in England is such that if he doesn’t complain immediately, the chance is gone.”

“His wild gesticulation isn’t quite the standard we expect at this club, but that will improve over time.”

“Plus he knows hardly any decent swear words, so his communication with referees and opponents is pitiful.”

“If he takes on board what we’re telling him, he’s got all the raw attributes to be become one hell of an arsehole for Manchester United in a few years time.”

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