Tuesday 7 April 2009

Some people find wooden teeth attractive, claims Balding


BBC presenter Clare Balding has claimed that having teeth like wooden pegs can be very attractive on the right person after allegedly mocking Grand National winning jockey Liam Treadwell, live on air.

Balding, 38, clearly demonstrated the sports reporting acumen that has allowed her to reach the pinnacle of horse racing commentary by asking the jockey to show the nation his wonky teeth shortly after his victory on 100-1 outsider Mon Mome.

This stunning insight and understanding of the sport of Kings led to 1,477 complaints from members of the public.

Embarrassed

“It wasn’t designed to upset or embarrass him,” said a spokesperson for Balding.

“In fact, she was actually trying to secure him some women.  Women who like that sort of thing.  You know.  The teeth.”

“In some parts of the world teeth like ageing tombstones are considered a sign of virility. It was a compliment.”

“She actually thinks Liam is gorgeous and would definitely do him.  Well, she would if she was into blokes.”

High Ground

Mr Treadwell has taken the moral high ground and refused to condemn Balding.

“Sure, when she said I could afford to get my teeth fixed now I could have retaliated,” he said to reporters.

“I could have pointed out that her BBC salary should be enough to have the fat sucked from her enormous flabby arse.”

“Or that she should invest in facial reconstruction to take a few inches off her chin so she no longer looks like the bastard love-child of Bruce Forsyth.”

“Or something like that.  But I chose not to.”

Mon Mome was unavailable for comment.

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