Monday 30 March 2009

Jacqui Smith to point husband at plethora of free Internet porn


Home Secretary Jacqui Smith is to spend time showing her husband exactly how to access the Internet’s myriad of free porn resources.

Mrs Smith is to pay back expenses claimed when her husband Richard Timney ‘accidentally’ ordered two adult films via the Virgin cable service at her constituency home in Redditch, Worcestershire.

The incident has caused great embarrassment to the Government at a time when the country is focussing heavily on the financial crisis facing the entire nation.

“We just can’t believe he paid money for porn,” said one Whitehall insider.

“Jacqui had to spend over an hour showing him where all the best free porn is on the Internet.”

“Just a couple of clicks can get you to ‘barely legal’ teens, hot MILF action, or even old men shitting into the mouths of teenage girls.  Whatever floats your boat.”

Out of touch

The row has given further ammunition to the opposition leadership who have been quick to use it as an example of just how out of touch Labour have become.

“Just about any 14 year old boy could show you dozens of places to get free porn,” said one Conservative Party insider.

“And yet this man, married to one of our most powerful politicians, pays real cash money for it?”

“It’s frankly shocking.  It shows just how out of touch New Labour really has become.”

Mr Timney is said to have received a real “ear bashing” from the Home Secretary over the incident, a bashing very different to that which he applied to himself during the films themselves.

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