Thursday 26 March 2009

‘I could buy a hundred windows on my pension’ says Sir Fred


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Sir Fred Goodwin has rounded on the vandals who attacked his Scottish home by pointing out he could buy a hundred replacement windows with the interest earned on his pension fund whilst he ate his breakfast.

“I could buy over a hundred windows, all paid for with money I earned whilst I ate my toast and Marmite,” he said to reporters outside his home.

“I haven’t even got out of my pyjamas yet and I’ve made more money today than they will earn this month.  AND I’m retired.” he continued.

An anti-capitalist group calling itself Bank Bosses Are Criminals have claimed responsibility for the attack on Sir Fred’s £3m home.

“It’s hardly Al Qaeda, is it?” said a close friend of Sir Fred.

With Sir Fred insisting he will keep his enormous pension entitlement from the failing Royal Bank of Scotland, there is concern that public feeling could lead to further vandalism attacks of this nature.

Bring it on

“Let them come,” said Sir Fred, “There are plenty more windows if they’re interested?”

“Or maybe they’d like to set fire to a bag of dogshit on my doorstep and then ring the bell?”

“I really don’t care.”

“I’m rich and I’m well insured, plus the bank is paying for all my security.”

“In fact, as futile gestures go, a brick through my window is pretty much up there with the thousands of complaint letters I’ve received.”

“Now if you don’t mind, I think my grilled Swan is burning.”

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