Monday 16 March 2009

Chief Medical Officer threw incredibly dull parties


News is emerging today that the UK’s Chief Medical Officer, Sir Liam Donaldson, has been responsible for throwing some of the most tedious house parties the nation has ever seen.

With recent health recommendations from Sir Liam including a higher tax rate on alcohol, and the taxing of chocolate, former guests of his have been quick to criticise his hospitality during events that he hosted.

“His summer BBQ in 2005 was rubbish.” said one former neighbour.

“I brought a bottle of wine round and he looked at me like I’d shit on his sofa.”

Danger

It wasn’t just Sir Liam’s attitude to alcohol that caused concerns.

“There were rumours of a chocolate fountain.  But all we got was humus and white cubes of something described as a meat substitute.  It tasted like burnt hair.”

“Then he kept turning the music down in case we damaged our hearing.”

“We couldn’t even dance after he reeled off some statistics about the number of A&E cases each year related to dance floor accidents.”

Safety first

Not content with enforcing a safety-first approach to all the entertainment, he was quick to criticise guests who took a more hedonistic approach to the days events.

“Bob from number 52 turned up late with a case of rosé, as he’d been on a booze cruise earlier that day.”

“Sir Liam was apoplectic.  He called the English Channel the country’s most dangerous strip of water.”

“Well, at least since Michael Barrymore had his swimming pool filled in.”

“He invited us round for a murder mystery night a few weeks later, but we made up some excuse not to go.”

“Apparently it took the form of a Health & Safety review on the dangers of overnight train travel.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: