Friday 13 March 2009 by Jipsom Smams

Severe weather news ‘imminent’ warn forecasters


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The nation’s meteorologists are warning that severe weather news is imminent across the country.

The British Isles is being told to brace itself for yet another sustained bout of bleak weather news.

Experts are predicting at least ten column inches per day with no let up at the weekend.

Northern cities will be the first to feel the exaggerated effects of the coverage, but the weather news will swiftly roll south as the hyperbole kicks in, blanketing the whole of the UK by Sunday evening.

Carnage

“This could be the worst weather news we’ve had since last week.” commented 29 year-old Londoner, Pete McGaskill.

“It’s a nightmare, only recently we had weather reports so thick that they brought news variety to a virtual standstill.”

“I’m not sure we’re ready to cope with weather news this bad again so soon.”

Meteorologists have insisted that there is nothing to worry about, but the nation’s press are preparing for a news deluge of epic proportions.

Press Coverage

“This is terrible news for the country, but good news for us,” commented one news editor.

“We have literally hours and hours of snow coverage we can re-use, and who doesn’t like seeing an old lady struggling on an icy path?”

“It’ll be nice to publish pictures of something other than Brave Jade Goody to be honest.”

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