Monday 9 March 2009

Fat Duck customers continue to vomit at sight of bill


Customers at Heston Blumenthal’s award-winning triple Michelin-starred restaurant, “The Fat Duck” are continuing to fall ill at the mere sight of their bill.

The world famous restaurant has hit the headlines recently with a spate of customers having taken ill after eating from the much in-demand menu.

One customer, Ray Davies of Maidenhead, commented, “The meal was okay I suppose.  Weird.  But okay.”

“But then they brought out the bill, and I started looking at all the numbers on the right hand side.”

“Suddenly I felt a bit light-headed, and really quite nauseous.”

“As I handed over my credit card to pay I couldn’t hold it in any more, and I vomited everywhere.”

Puke

The restaurant, made famous by Blumenthal’s highly imaginative dishes such as sheep excrement soufflé and creosote enchiladas, charges £130 for a lunch-time ‘taster’ menu.

Mr Davies’ bill, for two taster lunches, came to £350 including wine.

“I still feel sick at the thought of it to be honest, even now, three days later.” he continued.

Pretentious shite

“We could have gone to the Harvester up the road for less than a tenner each and still had £330 to spend on something more fun than eating a series of tiny things I’m not even convinced were food.”

“But no, the missus insisted I take her ‘somewhere nice’ for our anniversary.”

Luckily, Mrs. Davies was sparred the nauseating effects of the bill, and has said she looks forward to eating there again once her husband fully recovers.

“Can you make sure all my friends get a copy of this article so they know I’ve eaten there?” she concluded.

Mr Blumenthal was too busy sautéing a turnip in gasoline to comment.

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