Friday 6 March 2009

TV chefs quick to condemn Mandelson custard attack


The country’s celebrity chefs have been quick to admonish Leila Deen of the campaign group Plane Stupid, for her green custard attack on Business Secretary Peter Mandelson.

Deen, who was protesting against the third runway at Heathrow airport chose this morning to throw cold green custard over Mr Mandelson on live television.

“I was a fucking great big fucking mistake.” said Gordon Ramsey.

“Green?  Is she fucking mental?  If I served that at my restaurant there’d be a fucking mutiny.”

“We don’t even know if it was fucking warmed through properly, or if she’d whisked it sufficiently to avoid any fucking lumps.”

Coloured food

The attack draws parallels with the John Prescott attack of 2001 where a protester threw an egg at the then Deputy Prime Minister.  After failing to catch the egg and put it in a cake, the waste of perfectly good food drove Prescott to punch the thrower.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair was also the victim of a coloured food attack after flour was thrown at him from the gallery during a parliamentary debate.  Unfortunately, the flour was coloured purple, so the country was not afforded even the briefest hope it might be Ricin or some other fast acting nerve agent.

No fucking idea

“What is it with the food colouring and protesters?” asked Anthony Worrel-Thompson. “It’s almost like they’ve never set foot in a working kitchen.”

“When it comes to food colouring, less is definitely more.”

The last word went to Ramsey, “Look, if you’re going to throw food, at least fucking prepare it properly.  Otherwise you might as well be throwing dog shit.  Which I’d have absolutely no problem with.”

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