Thursday 5 March 2009

Radioactive paedophile still waiting for super powers


A radioactive paedophile fugitive is hoping to avoid capture by the authorities until he develops super powers.

Thomas Leopold, 42, a college principal, absconded before his trial for possession of child pornography after having large doses of radiotherapy treatment for an existing medical condition.

Doctors believe Leopold’s radioactivity level could be dangerous for up to six weeks, with the exact effects on Mr Leopold unknown.

Comics

“I suppose he could develop super strength like the Hulk,” said 37 year-old comic store owner, Graham James.

“Don’t be retarded, that’s Gamma radiation only you idiot.” Clarified his colleague Seth Bernard.

“He’s much more likely to get enhanced super-senses, or a complete structural re-engineering at the molecular level, maybe into something invisible.”

Desperate

Speaking via a secure Internet chat facility, Mr Leopold said, “Oh I’d take invisibility, for sure.  What right-minded paedophile wouldn’t?”

“I’m at the stage now where I’ll take anything though, to be honest.”

“But I’ve always fancied the idea of being telepathic.”

Mr Leopold has yet to develop any noticeable super powers, though the high levels of radiation have led to thinning hair and hideous boil-like lesions appearing over his entire body.

“It’s hard enough getting close to kids without all these disgusting pustules.  Plus three teeth fell out this morning.” he said.

“Honestly, these super powers can’t come quick enough.”

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