Monday 2 March 2009

Harman willing to rob Sir Fred’s house for pension


Deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman has said former Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) chief Sir Fred Goodwin should not “count on” keeping his full £650,000 a year pension.

Harman described the pension settlement as being “quite a bit more than us MP’s get” and said she would be doing absolutely everything in her power to stop him keeping the sums concerned.

Cat burglarisation

When pressed regarding her definition of “absolutely everything in her power” Harman clarified that she would be willing to go as far as robbing his house.

“I’m not sure where he’d keep £16m, to be honest.” she continued.

“But I would be willing to ransack each and every one of his houses to get back that cash.”

Harman reaffirmed the Governments determination to reclaim the pension fund from Sir Fred.

“If we have to burglarise his home while he sleeps in his bed to get back what is rightfully ours – I mean the tax payer’s – then so be it.”

“I’m pretty much the boss of this whole investigation you know, so I can definitely make it happen.”

Parliamentary sanctioned violence

Harman was also unwilling to rule out the possibility of the Government applying the ‘frighteners’ in it’s negotiations with Sir Fred.

“Look, we might have to have a quiet little chat in his ear, like, but that will be between him and my senior parliamentary advisor, Knuckles McGraw.”

Sir Fred was too busy upgrading his burglar alarm to comment.

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