Friday 27 February 2009

Goodwin claims he’ll live to be one thousand


Sir Fred Goodwin, former Chief Executive of The Royal Bank of Scotland Group has hit back at claims he is being selfish with his £16m pension entitlement by insisting he needs every penny as he plans to live to be 1,000 years-old.

The Government has been backed by all sides in it’s attempts to convince Sir Fred to return the sizeable pension fund back to the financially stricken RBS Group.

However, developments took an unusual turn when Sir Fred met with the press earlier this morning.

“That money has got to last me till I die, which isn’t for another 950 years.” he claimed.

One reporter pointed out that Sir Fred was unlikely to live that long.

Sir Fred retorted, “Oh so you’re a Doctor now are you?  Telling me I’m dying.  Is that it?”

Effectively immortal

With no Doctors in the room, Sir Fred continued unchallenged.

“Look, with inflation the way it is, my £650k a year will be practically worthless in 500 years time.  Does this country really need another pensioner living below the poverty line for 450 years?”

The room was forced to agree with Sir Fred’s assertion.

sirfredcomment“He’s got a point.” commented Alistair Dunwin, Politics & Entertainment correspondent at The Daily Mail.

“Is more penniless pensioners what this country needs?  Cos that’s what’ll happen if he has to give it back.”

The last word went to Sir Fred, “Look, if I die prematurely in the next hundred years or so, you lot will be proven right and you’ll have plenty of time to gloat then.” he concluded.

Sir Fred ended the press conference with a magnanimous gesture by waiving his rights to a state pension from 2050 onwards.

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