Sunday 15 February 2009

Man refuses ‘New Jesus’ title


A London-based man has surprisingly refused the job of being the “New Jesus”.

Tony Owen, 33, of Ealing, claimed that the voices in his head had been telling him he was the son of God for almost a year now.

“It’s weird, because no-one else can hear the voices, but they’re pretty insistent I am the divine saviour’s second coming.”

Mr Owen, a personal tax accountant, has decided to ignore the voices, for now.

“I’m lucky, I have a good job, with an excellent pension scheme.  I’d be a fool to give all this up for a role that the previous incumbent only held for three years.”

Religious leaders upset

The news has been met with dismay by religious leaders, many of whom see this as an opportunity missed to bring religion back to the forefront of the nation’s psyche.

“I understand his reluctance, I really do.  Final salary pension schemes are extremely rare these days.” Said Bishop Quentin Snack.

“But this is the second Jesus we’re talking about here, it literally is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

When asked for a comment, eminent psychologist Dr Bertram Gate said, “It’s rare to hear someone ignore the voices in their head with such rationality.”

“He really is an inspiration to mentalists everywhere.  Usually, if the voices make you an offer that sounds to good to be true, it probably is!”

Mr Owens has said he may reconsider his position once his firm announces the latest round of redundencies, expected next month.

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