Thumbnail image for Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukrainian rebels have apologised after the black box flight recorders from the downed flight MH17 were accidentally used to record Top of the Pops repeats.

Thumbnail image for Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

Prime Minister David Cameron, in response to Russia’s latest fascist groove thang, is calling on nations to stop purchasing Russian dolls, which get progressively smaller as you open them up.

Viewers sat watching Sky News’ coverage of the Malaysian air crash in Ukraine have admitted ‘we really shouldn’t be doing this’ after it was pointed out how morally questionable it was.

Sacked Education Secretary Michael Gove pronounced the second day of his new job ‘a complete success,’ having avoided getting locked in the toilet for a second day running.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Luis Suarez’s Barcelona contract to include three chewable Catalans a week

Luis Suarez’s Barcelona contract to include three chewable Catalans a week

Luis Suarez is expected to join Barcelona in a record deal, after the Spanish giants offered the striker three Catalan residents a week that he can bite freely.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

Cameron urges worldwide boycott of Russian dolls

Prime Minister David Cameron, in response to Russia’s latest fascist groove thang, is calling on nations to stop purchasing Russian dolls, which get progressively smaller as you open them up.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Murdoch journos in crisis as ‘making things up’ added to ‘not-allowed’ list

Murdoch journos in crisis as ‘making things up’ added to ‘not-allowed’ list

After the trial against Tulisa Contostavlos collapsed due to lies told in court by a Sun on Sunday reporter, those at the Murdoch-owned paper have been left panicking over what they can put in this weekend’s edition.

World

Thumbnail image for Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukrainian rebels have apologised after the black box flight recorders from the downed flight MH17 were accidentally used to record Top of the Pops repeats.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Putting your entire life on Facebook ‘not compulsory’, finds study

Putting your entire life on Facebook ‘not compulsory’, finds study

Millions of Facebook users were shocked today at the publication of a new legal investigation which revealed that publishing everything you ever do on the social network isn’t ‘compulsory’.

Science

Thumbnail image for ‘Biggest dinosaur’ fossil put there as a joke by Jesus, claim creationists

‘Biggest dinosaur’ fossil put there as a joke by Jesus, claim creationists

The largest dinosaur fossil ever found was put in the ground by Jesus playing a practical joke, creationists have confirmed this morning.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.

Business

Thumbnail image for Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of the Royal Mail has been found alive and well in the client accounts of the banks advising on the sale, according to reports this morning.