Thumbnail image for We made up five-a-day rule for a bet, admit scientists

We made up five-a-day rule for a bet, admit scientists

Chortling scientists today admitted that they originally made up the five-a-day rule to see how many sprouts they could get people to eat.

Thumbnail image for Supernaturally sweaty gym-goer has ‘no plans’ to ever wipe his perspiration off the equipment

Supernaturally sweaty gym-goer has ‘no plans’ to ever wipe his perspiration off the equipment

A man whose levels of perspiration have are ‘even worse than Lee Evans breakdancing in a Saharan greenhouse’ has confirmed that he has ‘no plans’ to start wiping up the pools of sweat that he leaves on the gym equipment.

After researchers claimed that ten portions of fruit and vegetables a day may give us longer lives, a separate study has indicated that most Britons would struggle to name that many.

The fairies have inexplicably failed to take away an old washing machine left on the street.

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Thumbnail image for Joey Barton to be punished less harshly than man who ate a pie

Joey Barton to be punished less harshly than man who ate a pie

The FA has confirmed that eating a Cornish Pasty will damage your career more than common assault, placing thousands of bets and taking diving lessons off Tom Daley.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for ‘Cheryl and I are happy to announce we’re pregnant’ claims proud father-to-be Paul Nuttall

‘Cheryl and I are happy to announce we’re pregnant’ claims proud father-to-be Paul Nuttall

UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has confirmed that he is the father of Cheryl’s unborn child, sending shockwaves through celebrity gossip and political circles alike.

World

Thumbnail image for President Trump pre-emptively bans immigrants from newly discovered planets that may harbour life

President Trump pre-emptively bans immigrants from newly discovered planets that may harbour life

The Trump administration in the US has reacted to the discovery of potentially habitable planets in the Trappist-1 system by banning anyone who lives there from visiting the US.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Facebook outage leaves millions frantically searching for what friends had for breakfast

Facebook outage leaves millions frantically searching for what friends had for breakfast

Millions of people across the world were left in complete ignorance of what friends and family had for breakfast this morning after Facebook suffered an outage.

Science

Thumbnail image for We made up five-a-day rule for a bet, admit scientists

We made up five-a-day rule for a bet, admit scientists

Chortling scientists today admitted that they originally made up the five-a-day rule to see how many sprouts they could get people to eat.

Education

Thumbnail image for Suicide bomber shortage means ISIS now offering 80 virgins in the afterlife

Suicide bomber shortage means ISIS now offering 80 virgins in the afterlife

A series of defeats mean that Islamic terror organisations are offering ever-increasing numbers of virgins in the afterlife to drum up interest.

Business

Thumbnail image for Linkin Park fail to set off airport metal detector

Linkin Park fail to set off airport metal detector

Airport security guards have confirmed that Heavy, the new single by Linkin Park, contains no detectable metal whatsoever.