Thumbnail image for Iain Duncan Smith tells wife: “Our wedding vows were just a series of possibilities”

Iain Duncan Smith tells wife: “Our wedding vows were just a series of possibilities”

Leading Brexit campaigner Iain Duncan Smith has admitted to his wife that their wedding vows, solemnly pledged to each other in 1982, were just “a series of possibilities”.

Thumbnail image for Operation Yewtree investigates Leave campaign over plan to f*ck a generation of kids

Operation Yewtree investigates Leave campaign over plan to f*ck a generation of kids

The head of Operation Yewtree has confirmed that it will be launching an inquiry after a group of politicians known as “Leave” publicly screwed everyone under the age of 16.

A man who didn’t vote on Thursday has signed an online petition insisting the government let him have another go.

The guy in your office who spoke loudly about wanting to “take this country back” is still acting like he’s bloody Churchill, according to sources this morning.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Lionel Messi quits Labour Shadow cabinet

Lionel Messi quits Labour Shadow cabinet

Lionel Messi has stunned Labour party officials after tendering his resignation from the Shadow Cabinet following allegations of impropriety during the EU referendum, according to reports.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Lionel Messi quits Labour Shadow cabinet

Lionel Messi quits Labour Shadow cabinet

Lionel Messi has stunned Labour party officials after tendering his resignation from the Shadow Cabinet following allegations of impropriety during the EU referendum, according to reports.

World

Thumbnail image for Bollywood megastar Salman Khan pretty confident being actor is ‘just like being raped’

Bollywood megastar Salman Khan pretty confident being actor is ‘just like being raped’

Bollywood megastar Salman Khan has insisted he knows exactly how it feels to be sexually assaulted after the gruelling nature of ‘playing make believe’ for his new film.

Technology

Thumbnail image for EU to respond to British ‘Independence Day’ with gigantic spaceships and Death-rays

EU to respond to British ‘Independence Day’ with gigantic spaceships and Death-rays

Boris Johnson’s call for a British Independence Day has been met by the EU trebling research funding into gigantic spaceships and beam weapons to lay waste to London, according to reports today.

Science

Thumbnail image for Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

Gigantic sea monster spotted on Google Earth identified as Cthulhu

A gigantic Kraken-like sea monster spotted on Google Earth has been positively identified as the alien demon-god Cthulhu risen from his eternal slumber today.

Education

Thumbnail image for Banksy-inspired child draws cock on desk

Banksy-inspired child draws cock on desk

A school child has taken the message left by Banksy to heart and expressed himself through the medium of satirical artwork.

Business

Thumbnail image for Odds slashed on ‘the unemployed’ replacing immigrants as Daily Mail’s top scapegoat

Odds slashed on ‘the unemployed’ replacing immigrants as Daily Mail’s top scapegoat

After the UK voted to leave the EU thanks to years of its anti-immigrant headlines, the Daily Mail has begun the search for a new scapegoat on which to blame the country’s ills.