Thumbnail image for Don’t look at the wheelchairs, look at the scroungers sat in them, explain ministers

Don’t look at the wheelchairs, look at the scroungers sat in them, explain ministers

Government ministers have explained that people should look beyond the disabilities of disabled people to focus on how much they might be claiming in benefits.

Thumbnail image for Government to ignore expert advice on drug laws in favour of series 9 & 10 of Grange Hill

Government to ignore expert advice on drug laws in favour of series 9 & 10 of Grange Hill

Following a 6-year study by scientists, police officers, academics and experts into Britain’s drug laws, the government has insisted that it will rely instead on the plight of Samuel ‘Zammo’ Maguire from Grange Hill.

Following the renaming of London Oxford airport, plans have been announced to rename every mainland UK airport by pre-fixing each address with the word London.

A company has come under fire for producing a ‘Sexy UKIP politician’ costume for Halloween.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

England’s relentless march towards the Euro 2016 championships has gathered almost unstoppable momentum after a Wembley victory against some sheep farmers, electricians and a guy who mows lawns.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Use benefit claimants as bonfire ‘Guys’ urges Osborne

Use benefit claimants as bonfire ‘Guys’ urges Osborne

The Chancellor has encouraged communities to return to the Guy Fawkes Day tradition of lighting a huge fire, but topping it with a benefit claimant instead.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Paris’ giant sex toy sculpture sells on eBay to ‘K Price of Sussex’

Paris’ giant sex toy sculpture sells on eBay to ‘K Price of Sussex’

The giant green butt plug sculpture which caused such furore in Paris, has been sold on eBay to a user named K Price who lives in Sussex.

World

Thumbnail image for China applauds politely as Zuckerberg slowly explains he’d like to ‘sex dump grandma’

China applauds politely as Zuckerberg slowly explains he’d like to ‘sex dump grandma’

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has received polite applause from a Chinese university audience, despite accidentally telling them in Mandarin that he would like to do rude things to their grandmothers.

Technology

Thumbnail image for China applauds politely as Zuckerberg slowly explains he’d like to ‘sex dump grandma’

China applauds politely as Zuckerberg slowly explains he’d like to ‘sex dump grandma’

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has received polite applause from a Chinese university audience, despite accidentally telling them in Mandarin that he would like to do rude things to their grandmothers.

Science

Thumbnail image for Middle-aged chimps observed buying small red sports cars

Middle-aged chimps observed buying small red sports cars

As researchers discovered that chimpanzees and orangutans may undergo a form of ‘mid-life crisis’, the first reports of a chimp purchasing a small red sports car emerged.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.

Business

Thumbnail image for Man using self-service till on verge of emotional breakdown

Man using self-service till on verge of emotional breakdown

A man using a self-service till for the first time appears on the verge of tears after being informed yet again of an ‘unexpected item in bagging area’.