Thumbnail image for Weather hyperbole at new high as North is threatened by ‘giant Snowbastard’

Weather hyperbole at new high as North is threatened by ‘giant Snowbastard’

Weather forecasters claim the North of England is being threatened by an enormous snowbastard, on what is thought to be the most hyperbolic day of the winter so far.

Thumbnail image for Pretty Woman to be remade with Ryan Gosling as a male prostitute

Pretty Woman to be remade with Ryan Gosling as a male prostitute

After announcing a Ghostbusters remake with an all female-cast, producers have followed up with plans for a Pretty Woman remake starring Ryan Gosling as a prostitute.

Middle-class supermarket chain Waitrose has withdrawn its offer to give anyone a free coffee in a move consumers have called ‘so predictable it’s actually painful’.

In a shock last minute development, Robert Mugabe has announced that he intends to run for the FIFA presidency.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Kim Sears’ Profanisaurus to be out for Christmas

Kim Sears’ Profanisaurus to be out for Christmas

Andy Murray’s fiance Kim Sears has signed a lucrative publishing deal to produce a range of books teaching poor people how to swear properly.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Instead of leaders debates can we have a Thunderdome, asks everyone

Instead of leaders debates can we have a Thunderdome, asks everyone

In the wake of endless prevaricating over the format of a televised pre-election leaders debates, the nation has asked that the idea be dropped altogether and replaced by a one-off Thunderdome contest.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Pretty Woman to be remade with Ryan Gosling as a male prostitute

Pretty Woman to be remade with Ryan Gosling as a male prostitute

After announcing a Ghostbusters remake with an all female-cast, producers have followed up with plans for a Pretty Woman remake starring Ryan Gosling as a prostitute.

Technology

Thumbnail image for ‘Apple profits are outrageous’ tweets man into his new £700 iPhone

‘Apple profits are outrageous’ tweets man into his new £700 iPhone

Technology giant Apple has declared its biggest ever quarterly profit, much to the annoyance of people who don’t seem to understand how capitalism works.

Science

Thumbnail image for Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infected planet

Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infected planet

Asteroid 2004 BL86 has dramatically survived a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.

Business

Thumbnail image for Waitrose on receiving end of world’s largest ‘I told you so’

Waitrose on receiving end of world’s largest ‘I told you so’

Middle-class supermarket chain Waitrose has withdrawn its offer to give anyone a free coffee in a move consumers have called ‘so predictable it’s actually painful’.