Thumbnail image for Liverpool to replace mentally unstable forward with mentally unstable forward

Liverpool to replace mentally unstable forward with mentally unstable forward

Liverpool football club are to replace mentally unstable Luis Suarez with equally deranged Mario Balotelli, according to reports this morning.

Thumbnail image for Daily Mail criticised for continuing to pass itself off as a ‘newspaper’

Daily Mail criticised for continuing to pass itself off as a ‘newspaper’

The Daily Mail has come under renewed criticism after it emerged they continue to position themselves as a provider of ‘news’.

Rail fares will rise an average of 3.5% in the new year, according to the Association of Train Operating Companies, elevating current prices from ‘outrageous’ to ‘exorbitant’.

A range of people you wouldn’t know if you passed them on the street are going to live in a house you couldn’t give a toss about, all for your entertainment, it emerged this morning.

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Politics

Thumbnail image for Regulated rail fares to rise from ‘Outrageous’ to ‘Exorbitant’

Regulated rail fares to rise from ‘Outrageous’ to ‘Exorbitant’

Rail fares will rise an average of 3.5% in the new year, according to the Association of Train Operating Companies, elevating current prices from ‘outrageous’ to ‘exorbitant’.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for People you don’t recognise enter house you don’t care about

People you don’t recognise enter house you don’t care about

A range of people you wouldn’t know if you passed them on the street are going to live in a house you couldn’t give a toss about, all for your entertainment, it emerged this morning.

Technology

Thumbnail image for UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

As driverless cars were approved for UK roads, drivers everywhere explained they would never be accepted until they can adequately abuse their fellow road users.

Science

Thumbnail image for UK DNA research to focus on getting you drunk more easily

UK DNA research to focus on getting you drunk more easily

DNA researchers in the UK are to take a leading role in genetically ensuring value for money when it comes to consuming alcohol, according to reports today.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.