Thumbnail image for Victims of crime prefer British criminals, insist UKIP

Victims of crime prefer British criminals, insist UKIP

Victims of crime in the UK prefer being subjected to the will of indigenous criminals, according to Nigel Farage.

Thumbnail image for ‘The Meek’ facing enormous Inheritance Tax bill

‘The Meek’ facing enormous Inheritance Tax bill

The nation’s meek have been left shocked at the size of their potential Inheritance Tax bill, according to reports this morning.

A new scheme to pay GPs a £55 cash bonus for every diagnosis of dementia that they make has seen a massive rise in the number of dementia diagnoses that they make.

The giant green butt plug sculpture which caused such furore in Paris, has been sold on eBay to a user named K Price who lives in Sussex.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

Hodgson magic continues as England demolish plumbers and electricians

England’s relentless march towards the Euro 2016 championships has gathered almost unstoppable momentum after a Wembley victory against some sheep farmers, electricians and a guy who mows lawns.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Mike Read apologises for ‘blacking up’ in UKIP Calypso video

Mike Read apologises for ‘blacking up’ in UKIP Calypso video

Former BBC Radio 1 DJ Mike Read has apologised and withdrawn a music video for his song ‘UKIP Calypso’ after people complained about him blacking up during his performance.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Paris’ giant sex toy sculpture sells on eBay to ‘K Price of Sussex’

Paris’ giant sex toy sculpture sells on eBay to ‘K Price of Sussex’

The giant green butt plug sculpture which caused such furore in Paris, has been sold on eBay to a user named K Price who lives in Sussex.

World

Thumbnail image for ‘The Meek’ facing enormous Inheritance Tax bill

‘The Meek’ facing enormous Inheritance Tax bill

The nation’s meek have been left shocked at the size of their potential Inheritance Tax bill, according to reports this morning.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Prisons to be full of Twitter morons by Christmas

Prisons to be full of Twitter morons by Christmas

News that Internet trolls could face two-year custodial sentences has led to warnings that the nation’s prisons could be full of Twitter morons by Christmas.

Science

Thumbnail image for Ancient Scottish fish ‘invented felching’

Ancient Scottish fish ‘invented felching’

An international team of researchers says a fish called Microbrachius dicki is the first-known animal to indulge in the improbable sexual practice known as felching.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.

Business

Thumbnail image for Man using self-service till on verge of emotional breakdown

Man using self-service till on verge of emotional breakdown

A man using a self-service till for the first time appears on the verge of tears after being informed yet again of an ‘unexpected item in bagging area’.