Farage lifestyle affecting NHS

Lifestyle promoted by Nigel Farage putting strain on NHS, warn immigrants

Health problems associated with Nigel Farage’s lifestyle are putting an intolerable strain on the NHS, immigrants have warned.

Thumbnail image for BBC to launch Bake Off rival with Samuel L Jackson called Cakes on a Plain

BBC to launch Bake Off rival with Samuel L Jackson called Cakes on a Plain

The BBC has asked Samuel L Jackson to host a rival cookery show to Bake Off called Cakes on a Plain.

The Wombles will put holes in any motherfucker they catch littering from now on, they have announced.

Iron Maiden have promised to protect fans from touts on their forthcoming tour by having their souls consumed by Eddie.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for Plucky Man United promise to give it their ‘best shot’ against Northampton

Plucky Man United promise to give it their ‘best shot’ against Northampton

Manchester United have promised to give it everything they’ve got as they attempt to pull off a shock win against Northampton Town in the EFL trophy tomorrow night.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Satirist with good idea for US mass-shooting article doesn’t have to wait long

Satirist with good idea for US mass-shooting article doesn’t have to wait long

A satirist who had a provocative and interesting idea for a US mass-shooting article has found that he didn’t have to wait long to use it.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Satirist with good idea for US mass-shooting article doesn’t have to wait long

Satirist with good idea for US mass-shooting article doesn’t have to wait long

A satirist who had a provocative and interesting idea for a US mass-shooting article has found that he didn’t have to wait long to use it.

World

Thumbnail image for Important development probably could have been communicated over the phone, confirms detective

Important development probably could have been communicated over the phone, confirms detective

A detective has confirmed that that his partner’s insistence that he ‘gotta see this’ whilst referring to an important new development in the case was actually incorrect and the nature and details of the development could successfully have been communicated over the phone.

Technology

Thumbnail image for Pippa’s stolen private photos a ‘disgusting invasion of privacy’, insist men busy googling for them

Pippa’s stolen private photos a ‘disgusting invasion of privacy’, insist men busy googling for them

Men everywhere have this morning described as ‘disgusting’ the invasion of privacy caused by stolen private photos of Pippa Middleton, before seeking clarification on exactly where they are online.

Science

Thumbnail image for Scientists discover humble Mancunian

Scientists discover humble Mancunian

A Mancunian has been discovered with humility, shocking the city to its core and leading to promises that he will be eliminated.