Thumbnail image for Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

British workers looking for a cheeky day off have explained how the Ebola virus will be their excuse of choice moving forward.

Thumbnail image for UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

As driverless cars were approved for UK roads, drivers everywhere explained they would never be accepted until they can adequately abuse their fellow road users.

Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has moved swiftly to clarify that comments describing the Commonwealth games as ‘a bit shit’ were actually a term of endearment.

Liverpool FC is to continue its gradual acquisition of Southampton football club by making a bid for the fans of the south coast team.

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Sport

Thumbnail image for ‘A bit shit’ is Jamaican patois for ‘awesome’, clarifies Usain Bolt

‘A bit shit’ is Jamaican patois for ‘awesome’, clarifies Usain Bolt

Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has moved swiftly to clarify that comments describing the Commonwealth games as ‘a bit shit’ were actually a term of endearment.

Politics

Thumbnail image for Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

British workers looking for a cheeky day off have explained how the Ebola virus will be their excuse of choice moving forward.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Gaza victims urge Tulisa to ‘stay strong’

Gaza victims urge Tulisa to ‘stay strong’

Victims of indiscriminate shelling in Gaza have offered their unanimous sympathy to the tormented former N Dubz star Tulisa Contostavlos.

World

Thumbnail image for Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukraine rebels ‘apologise’ after flight recorders used to tape Top of the Pops

Ukrainian rebels have apologised after the black box flight recorders from the downed flight MH17 were accidentally used to record Top of the Pops repeats.

Technology

Thumbnail image for UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

UK road users demand driverless cars learn appropriate ‘wanker sign’

As driverless cars were approved for UK roads, drivers everywhere explained they would never be accepted until they can adequately abuse their fellow road users.

Science

Thumbnail image for UK DNA research to focus on getting you drunk more easily

UK DNA research to focus on getting you drunk more easily

DNA researchers in the UK are to take a leading role in genetically ensuring value for money when it comes to consuming alcohol, according to reports today.

Education

Thumbnail image for Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Teachers being on strike is brilliant, insists 8 year-old sat in front of Xbox

Children across the country have welcomed the fight to improve pay and conditions for the nation’s teachers, insisting they are 100% behind further industrial action.

Business

Thumbnail image for Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of the Royal Mail has been found alive and well in the client accounts of the banks advising on the sale, according to reports this morning.