Thumbnail image for No plans to shag any children, confirms Cameron

No plans to shag any children, confirms Cameron

Prime Minister, David Cameron, is not planning to have sex with a child in the near future, he confirmed today.

Thumbnail image for New wrinkle cure has doctors terrified because it’s made out of doctors

New wrinkle cure has doctors terrified because it’s made out of doctors

A wrinkle cure discovered by a local mum has doctors terrified because it’s made out of ground-up doctors, according to the news this morning.

Shops in the City of London have announced huge spikes in sales of clean pants and toilet paper after the entire Square Mile appeared to simultaneously shit itself.

Left-wing protesting organisation Class War is to reposition as Middle-Class Guilt War with immediate effect, they have announced this morning.

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Politics

Thumbnail image for £1bn lost during RBS share sale found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

£1bn lost during RBS share sale found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of RBS shares has been found alive and well in the client accounts of several banks, according to reports this morning.

Entertainment

Thumbnail image for Lovejoy to appear in Game of Thrones

Lovejoy to appear in Game of Thrones

Popular 90’s television antiques dealer Lovejoy has been cast in series 6 of Game of Thrones.

World

Thumbnail image for New wrinkle cure has doctors terrified because it’s made out of doctors

New wrinkle cure has doctors terrified because it’s made out of doctors

A wrinkle cure discovered by a local mum has doctors terrified because it’s made out of ground-up doctors, according to the news this morning.

Technology

Thumbnail image for #PiersMorgansLifeMatters hashtag fails to catch on

#PiersMorgansLifeMatters hashtag fails to catch on

The ‘Piers Morgan’s life matters’ twitter hashtag campaign has completely failed to catch on, we can report today.

Science

Thumbnail image for Ryanair to offer first budget flights to Kepler-452b Luton airport

Ryanair to offer first budget flights to Kepler-452b Luton airport

Budget airline Ryanair has stolen a march on the competition by offering discount flights to newly discovered Earth-like planet Kepler-452b, flying into Kepler-452b Luton airport.

Education

Thumbnail image for Extracts from Britain First facebook page being used for primary school English tests

Extracts from Britain First facebook page being used for primary school English tests

Rightwing shit-flinging group, Britain First, is up in arms today after being informed that their Facebook page is being plagiarised by Primary School English teachers.

Business

Thumbnail image for £1bn lost during RBS share sale found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

£1bn lost during RBS share sale found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of RBS shares has been found alive and well in the client accounts of several banks, according to reports this morning.